How does it feel to discover that the man you loved, married and bore children for is gay? Just ask Dina Matos, former wife of the former governor of New Jersey, who cried marriage fraud when her husband admitted to having a gay affair with an employee.

Matos and Former Governor James E McGreevey split in 2004 after he resigned in disgrace over the affair, the Associated Press reported. They had been married for four years.

Matos has claimed she “was duped into marriage by a closeted gay man who needed the cover of a wife to advance his political career”.

McGreevey has contended that she should have known he was gay and that the marriage was “a contrivance on both our parts”.

Findings of a survey conducted by Dr Peter Figueroa, et al in 2008 revealed that some 28.8 per cent of men who have sex with men (MSMs) reported having had sexual relationships with at least one female partner in the past four weeks; 15.9 per cent were living with a female sexual partner and 33.8 per cent had two or more female partners in the last 12 months.

Many MSMs are also married, using marriage to cloak and legitimise the lifestyle.

So how do you know you’re in the kind of relationship that your partner only entered to deflect from social scrutiny?

Sure, not every guy who wears pink, paints his room purple or acts like your best girlfriend ever is gay, but there are red flags to look to in order to get a heads up. And you need to know, if not only for your own peace of mind, but knowing allows you to protect yourself, bearing in mind results from the survey which also showed that condom use among the MSM population was low compared to heterosexual males.

Counsellor David Anderson said signs like the ones below shouldn’t be overlooked. Of course you’re not going to flip out over one sign, but take note, observe and talk so you’re not as shocked as Dina Matos.

1. He has a collection of gay porn. If his browsing history shows too many visits to dudesdotcom; if his DVD collection gives off a strictly Brokeback Mountain-esque vibe, then it’s time to have a talk.

2. He has extremely kinky sexual demands. Sure, everyone wants a little bit of excitement now and then, but if his idea of pregnancy prevention is to always forgo regular intercourse for life on the other side, then it’s time for an intervention.

3. He’s more made up than you. If he wears foundation and lip gloss and if you see your man snooping through your closet with the aim of borrowing your above-the-navel low cut Gap T-shirt, it may be time to start viewing him as your sister and not your mister.

4. He’s obsessed with his appearance. If he makes three trips to the gym daily and is extremely careful not to eat a calorie over his required daily intake and has a cabinet filled with hair products, face and body cream, your sweetheart may not have an interest in you or any other female for that matter.

5. He has wandering eyes. Observe your guy’s wandering eyes. If you catch him staring and seemingly admiring a guy you think is a hunk, this may be a signal that you and your lover have the same interest in scoping out guys. If his touch lingers a bit too long on a male friend and a hug seems to be too intimate, don’t ignore your intuition.

6. He hates gays. If he is a huge homophobe who’s constantly bashing the lifestyle; if he is quick to identify ‘gay’ qualities in others, chances are he is fighting his own sexuality. Guilty persons are the first to express their distaste towards the object of their guilt and humans are prone to lash out at those who embody traits they do not like about themselves.

7. He has no interest in you. You in lingerie: no response. You braless: no response. You touching him: no response. You fast-forwarding to that back-of-the-truck love scene in Je T’aime Moi Non Plus: enthusiastic response. Funny business, we say, funny business!

8. He buys or gets expensive, intimate or personal gifts from his male friends. Watch this, as well as if he hangs out with only the guys — if the guys are a small group of gossiping well put together men who meet over brunch and Sex and the City reruns.